


recalibrated

by grundlemuncher



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Fontcest, M/M, Sad, Sibling Incest, it gets rough i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:02:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8046847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grundlemuncher/pseuds/grundlemuncher
Summary: twelve(ish) easy steps towards ruining your relationship with your brother





	1. only way to learn is through teachin

_H U M A N._

_D O N ' T  Y O U  K N O W  H O W  T O  G R E E T  A  N E W  P A L?_

**\---X---X---X---X---X---X---**

Papyrus was being weird.

This, in and of itself, was not terribly concerning. Even in a quiet town full of monsters, the two skeletons were decidedly… different. Eclectic, you might say, if you were being kind - and everyone was kind here. But Papyrus was being weird towards Sans, his brother, even though there had only always been the two of them. One loud and one quiet, one driven and one, well, lazybones was putting it mildly. They were different from each other in good and bad ways, but it was time that brought them together. Time, and the mountain above.

Sans was eating his cereal, and across the table, Papyrus was being weird.

It wasn’t until Sans was halfway through his breakfast that he noticed. Papyrus, after all, had poured a generous amount of milk into his bowl even though he complained. _“it’s gets all soggy, bro.” “YOUR BONES NEED CALCIUM TO GROW STRONG!!”_

But he endured it as he always did, and Papyrus knew he would get away with it because he felt similarly.

Now, however, around three bites into his wet and crunchy morning soup, Sans paused as Papyrus had taken not a single bite of his own oatmeal.

The spoon hung between the bowl and his mouth, still faintly emanating steam. He didn’t even seem to notice - Papyrus’ black gaze was stuck firmly across the table, glued to Sans’ mouth.

Teasing, he raised another spoonful to his teeth before quick-cutting it into his mouth. That usually either satisfied his curious brother or enraged him - Sans was kind of hoping for the latter. In this instance, it seemed to deter absolutely none of his interest.

Sans switched it up a few times, letting his smile fall open to shovel cereal into it, and then next allowing it to simply vanish into the confines of his incorporeal stomach. His brother wasn’t having any of it, it seemed, and beneath those studying eye sockets he began to sweat.

“hey.”

Papyrus was himself again at his voice, blinking, teeth turning up. “GOOD MORNING AGAIN, BROTHER.”

A few more bites of oatmeal made it into his mouth before the staring recommenced. Sans allowed himself to enjoy as much of his dry cereal as possible before he crooked a pale eyebrow at his brother.

“bro? you’re staring.”

“OH.”

“you want some of these loops?” Sans gestured lazily to the cabinet. Papyrus frowned, and his spine stiffened, dragging him up to his usual if not daunting height.

“SANS…” His brother began, dark sockets studying the corners of the room before they reluctantly focused on him. “HAVE YOU EVER KISSED ANYONE?”

The smaller brother’s smile twisted, uncomfortable but constant. “uh, yep.”

“HOW DO YOU DO IT?” Papyrus had lurched forward at the first consonant. “YOU KNOW, WITHOUT LIPS?”

This was probably part of the big brother talk, right? It was certainly part of the birds and the bees, which Sans and Papyrus had thankfully silently decided to figure out on their own. But here, as the only two skeletons they knew of - well, yes. Sans had the experience.

He twirled the metal spoon between his fingers, clicking bone on steel on bone. “well, you kinda just… press your teeth to their mouth?” Here his countenance faltered, shrugging at his sibling. “open your teeth a little, maybe nibble on their lips. conjure a tongue, if their into that.”

Breakfast was long past, obviously, as Sans could never reconcile the meal with what Papyrus said next.

“CAN YOU SHOW ME?”

He blinked.

Sans the skeleton was sitting in his kitchen, in the house he paid for him and his brother, on top of the chair they’d built from screws and scrap with the table they’d salvaged from the dump.

“like, on you?”

Papyrus smiled balefully, like it was the simplest thing in the world. “YES, I’M HAVING SOME TROUBLE VISUALIZING IT.”

HIs brother wanted him to kiss him.

The thought sent him shaking, shivering, juddering, forcing a strained smile. How weird. It was just his brother.

“uh, that might be…” Words failed him, as so many things had. “i mean we’re bros, papyrus.”

The taller skeleton sighed, loud and rough and normal, narrowing at Sans with his usual glare. “YES, SANS, I AM AWARE.” But then his scoffing turned to shuffling, a tone that Sans couldn’t place as nervous until long after the fact, because he had so rarely heard it before. “IT’S JUST…”

Papyrus slammed his hands to the table and it all fell out.

_“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT AND I’M AFRAID WHEN I FINALLY GET THE CHANCE I’LL BITE SOMEONE’S FACE OFF.”_

Sans laughed.

It was a real laugh, kind and loving if surprised, even in the face of the surly skeleton before him. Oh, how could he ever not, even as his brother pouted, “I’M SERIOUS!!” ever the perfect monster, ever sweet and loving and kind.

“sure,” Sans said, and that was all it ever really took.

Papyrus leapt to his feet, kitchen chair squealing across the faded linoleum behind him before he set himself before his brother, close enough that Sans’ slippers were now kicking against his shins.

In an instant he had completely obliterated Sans’ personal space, knees clacking together as he leant forward til their faces were inches apart. Sans laughed, a nervous, rasping thing, stamping down on the unconscious desire to back away. It wasn’t that they hadn’t been close before - Papyrus had never really grasped the concept of boundaries - but never like this.

Sans pushed the thought from his head. It was just a kiss. Weirder things had certainly happened.

“alright. close them peepers.”

“YESSIR!!” Papyrus screwed his eye sockets shut, squeezing them tight enough to crease the pale plane of his forehead. Heh, some lucky monster would be damn blessed to see this sight everyday.

“stay still.”

Sight trained on Papyrus’ bright broad grin, Sans reached up and delicately pressed their teeth together.

And stayed there.

Huh, this was usually the part where his partner took over. Without lips, it seemed Sans was going to have to improvise.

He began by sliding his smile across Papyrus’ teeth, pulling back occasionally to clink again against his closed mouth. Papyrus kept his eye sockets closed, looking incredibly thoughtful, and he hummed when Sans reached the corner of his jaw. It wasn’t quite the same as any other kiss Sans had had, but there was still something strangely intimate about it.

When Sans pulled back, Papyrus followed, sockets fluttering open to find Sans’ grin as he pressed against it with intent. Ever the lazybones (and maybe just a little uncomfortable under that gaze), Sans let his sockets fall shut as Papyrus repeated the motions upon him. His bombastic brother was being surprisingly gentle, and the soft touch of his hard teeth on his own was oddly soothing. He was just thinking that he could start snoring any minute when Papyrus jerked back, apparently satisfied. Sans faltered, catching himself before he fell face-first into his brother’s lap.

“SO???” The taller skeleton was beaming down at him, ramrod straight, bouncing his boots against the floor.

“huh.” Sans blinked up at him, not really seeing. “that was… weird.”

Papyrus deflated in front of him, the uncharacteristic slump of his shoulders dragging Sans back to the present. “I WAS BAD??”

“no no, you were fine.” Sans leapt to reassure him, relieved when he sat straight again. “it’s just. never thought i’d smooch my bro, y’know?”

“OH. RIGHT.” Papyrus tapped at his chin, looking pensive. “I GUESS I WAS TOO FOCUSED ON MAKING SURE I WAS DOING A GOOD JOB.”

Excuses made and status quo restored, Sans made to stand while Papyrus prepared to annihilate it again.

“CAN WE TRY TONGUE NOW?”

Sans blanched, visibly recoiling before he managed to school his expression into something only vaguely bordering on disgust. “ _sheesh_ , papyrus, that’s…”

“PLEASE, SANS!” Papyrus snatched up his hands, swallowing them up in his soft red gloves. He knew how his brother ticked, and judging by the sweat on his skull he was about thirty seconds from performing one of his famous disappearing acts.

Putting on his very best puppy dog eyes, Papyrus simpered. “I PROMISE IT’S THE LAST THING I’LL ASK!! I JUST REALLY WANT TO LEARN… SO I CAN BE POPULAR!”

Gods, that face. Papyrus was spending too much time around those Royal Guard dogs. Sans sighed, Papyrus perking up before he even spoke.

“alright, alright. quit the theatrics, mettaton.”

The taller skeleton was beaming, practically shaking in his chair, and if Sans hadn’t already caved he would have then - would do just about anything for that smile. Filling his chest with unnecessary breath, he leveled his brother with a serious look.

“conjure your tongue.”

Orange light flooded from the gaps in Papyrus’ jaw before Sans had finished his sentence, highlighting the underside of his prominent cheekbones and painting his neck in warm tones. Unwittingly, Sans’ soul took the familiar color of his brother’s magic as a balm - always good, kind, reassuring.

“okay, let me start. feel what i do first.”

Papyrus nodded once, closing his eye sockets, hands folded in his lap as he waited patiently. Sans summoned his own tongue, filling the cavity of his head, thick and heavy and clumsy. It’s use was normally limited to poor pranks and the very occasional lewd situation, so he gave himself a moment to get reacquainted with the magical appendage. He steeled himself.

And kissed his brother.

Papyrus’ teeth were buzzing pleasantly against his own, containing the excited magic behind them. Magic between monsters was strange in that way - it seemed to have it’s own pull, an almost magnetic sort of tug towards those it deemed familiar, safe, loved. It took control to keep one’s own magic from doing what it liked when it was pooled into forms and shapes such as these. It always seemed to know what it wanted, and where that was.

Sans let his magic have a little more slack, and then it was almost easy.

Opening his smile a sliver, then a crack, he pressed the tip of his blue tongue to one of the straight grooves between Papyrus’ teeth. He traced it top to bottom, slow and deliberate, before nudging at them to open.

Ever complicit, his brother’s jaw went loose, letting him press it as wide as he wanted. Their teeth caught once or twice, which probably should’ve stung, but instead elicited more of a shiver. Taking care to watch Papyrus’ face for discomfort, Sans slipped his tongue into his mouth.

Thinking he knew what bone tasted like from the comfort of his own skull, Sans was perplexed to find that his brother’s mouth tasted different. It was… well, _cleaner_ was probably the word that best defined the sensation, but there was something light and fresh about it too. He could taste the oatmeal his brother had only half eaten. He found himself caught on the fact.

Sans let his tongue slide against his brother’s, warm and wet and bright. Papyrus stayed still as the dead - heh - as he explored, pressing and slipping, lapping at the back of his teeth. It was weird, wow, it was weird, but he tried his best to touch at all the places Sans knew he enjoyed to be touched, because if he was gonna get to second base with his brother then he was at least gonna do it right.

Mostly satisfied and definitely uncomfortable, Sans backed off, tongue still wet with his brother’s saliva. He watched as Papyrus’ eyes drifted open, his expression sleepy and stunned, something wholly unfamiliar to Sans.

“…HUH.”

The smaller skeleton winced. “you okay?”

With a start, Papyrus focused back in on him, returning with a worryingly wide smile. “AH, YES! THAT JUST… THAT FELT NICE.”

Sans barely had time to process his brother’s words before Papyrus barreled on.

“OKAY, MY TURN!!”

Immediately he was on him, teeth to teeth, warm orange tongue snaking out to lick across the bone. Sans was speechless, eyes still wide and blinking, and so without thought that he found himself opening up to his brother’s insistent tongue without a moment of apprehension. And then it was inside him, licking at the roof of his mouth, probing as his molars, and then - god - lapping at his own eager tongue.

Reason snapped back into Sans’ skull like a shot. “mmph-“

He was cut off when Papyrus, filled with determination and intent, nibbled gently at the tip of his tongue before sucking on it lightly.

Sans’ magic flooded his mouth, dripping from the appendage at his brother’s ministrations. He sucked in a gasp at the sensation, sharp and sudden and entirely too much, which only allowed Papyrus to kiss him deeper as he strained to catch his breath.

“nng, mmn,” Thoroughly flustered, Sans desperately attempted to talk through his brother’s tongue in his mouth. “ _bro_ -“

Papyrus pulled back at his quiet admission, giving Sans the space he needed in inches, teeth still connected by a wet string of blue-orange magic that the smaller brother brushed away immediately. He rubbed and wiped at his teeth, panting, babbling.

“phew, alright, enough of that.”

Papyrus, his opposite in everything, was unphased. “HOW DID I DO?”

“you-“ Sans broke off, train of thought completely derailed when he noticed a drip of his own blue magic clinging to other’s chin. “…you’re a natural.”

“I KNEW IT!!” Papyrus shouted, bounding onto his feet, six feet of skeleton pumping his fists with raucous clattering. “THE GREAT PAPYRUS SUCCEEDS AT EVERYTHING HE PUTS HIS MIND TO!”

In his shadow, Sans laughed, light and a little bit frantic. Well, if nothing else, Papyrus was happy. That was all that ever really mattered. He could wash the taste of his brother’s tongue out of his mouth with ketchup now, and spirits later. His tab at Grillby’s was gonna have a growth spurt tonight.

Papyrus replaced his chair at the table with great care before cleaning up his own near-untouched bowl, humming to himself all the while. Sans took the time to return to his breakfast, slumping onto an elbow over the table and watching the rainbow loops swirl in time with his mind.

“WELL, I’M OFF FOR MY MORNING RUN!” The skeleton at the sink announced, tugging at the hem of his jogboy crop top. Sans threw him a weak thumbs up as he passed by, before halting in the doorway.

“SANS?” Papyrus sounded so _little_ , then, like when they played hide and seek as kids and Sans hid for too long. “THANK YOU.”

So it might have been one of the stranger mornings of Sans’ life, but he was just then pretty convinced it hadn’t been a mistake. His smile came easy. “anyti- uh, you’re welcome.”

With a triumphant “NYEH HEH HEH!!” Papyrus left at a dead sprint, front door slamming behind him. Off to smooch up the world, all grown up.

Sans stared at the closed door for a while as he went back to his breakfast. The cereal was soggy now. He ate it anyway.


	2. what happens to the best of us

_anyways, you’re a human right? that’s hilarious._

_i’m actually supposed to be on watch for humans right now. but… y’know… i don’t really care about capturing anybody._

_…lucky break for you, huh?_

_so. headed into town? you’ll wanna keep moving right. go through this gate thingy._

_yeah, go right through. my bro… he made the bars too wide to stop anyone._

_my brother? papyrus… he’s a human-hunting FANATIC. but he, uh. ain’t on duty today. wonders never cease for you, yeah?_

_you oughta get going. stay here and you’ll become a lazybones just like me. heheh._

**\---X---X---X---X---X---X---**

Things went back to normal (well, _their_ normal) pretty quickly for the skeleton brothers. If Papyrus had been aversely affected by the strange breakfast they’d shared last week, he didn’t show it. He still spent his days running about Snowdin, learning what he could from the Royal Guard dogs, trying his best to gain an audience with the elusive Captain Undyne. Sans, meanwhile, had made a new friend - deep in Snowdin forest laid a door, one that even his shortcuts couldn’t get him through. There were few places in the Underground inaccessible to the skeleton, and so the place piqued his normally nonexistent curiosity. The last thing he’d expected to discover was another fan of terrible knock knock jokes.

Not that he was complaining.

So life under the mountain moved on. Sans spent his time between the Door, Grillby’s and his hotcat stand in Hotland. Sometimes he’d waste a few hours on the Machine in the Basement. Most times he just napped. At night, he’d pick up dinner from Grillby’s and bring it home to his brother, who now spent his days building puzzles in the forest to prove he could be a sentry. They were making a life here.

And then Sans walked in on his brother masturbating.

It had been a regular day. Breakfast at the bar, a few hours turning ‘dogs at the unlicensed stand. He only realized he didn’t have his phone on him when he went to text Papyrus a really terrible pun about ‘hot wieners’ and came up empty-handed.

A quick search of his usual haunts proved fruitless, until even the growing trash tumbleweed in his room spat out nothing helpful. Papyrus’ room, maybe? Sans could have left his phone in there last night after their bed time story - it hadn’t shown up anywhere else, anyway.

Figuring his brother was still out toiling in the snow over his latest snow-switch puzzle, Sans let himself in. He knocked not out of courtesy but habit, already turning the doorknob and shouldering it open.

**Knock knock.**

_Who’s there?_ He entertained, dreaming up a new joke for his friend behind the Ruins Door.

_Papyrus is fucking himself on his bed._

_Papyrus is fucking himself on his bed **who-**_

“shit!” Sans swore, stunned still. Atop the covers, all clothes folded neatly and set aside on his desk, Papyrus was spread completely bare boned, two huge hands pumping about his orange cock.

His eye sockets snapped open at Sans’ voice, seeing straight through him before the horrible reality set in. He yelped once, high and hoarse, before flailing in an effort to cover himself. Papyrus crammed a pillow over his pelvis (a distinct orange glow still shining through), his phalanges slipping (wet) on his comforter in an attempt to drag it over his bare chest. He got it halfway, draped awkwardly across one shoulder, hunched and hiding and blinking out at Sans with sockets wide and dark as the Void.

“SANS!” Papyrus squeaked, indignant and mortified.

“sorrysorrysorry- _shit!_ ” His brother replied, blushing and blithering. He turned away, cupping his face, talking now to the carpet. “i didn’t know you were home!”

“I-I FINISHED RECALIBRATING MY PUZZLES EARLY!” Papyrus explained, as though he had to, in his own room with his cock out. Sans grasped onto the opening anyway, desperate for relief.

“wh-why didn’t you-“ His door didn’t have a lock. “you coulda-“ Sans could feel himself turning blue, rising up from his neck to flood his cheeks, hot and heavy and awful.

“p-put a sock on the door or _something_ , jeez!”

“A _WHAT?!_ ” Sans was a little amazed that the window next to the computer survived Papyrus’ shriek. “WHAT ARE YOU- _GROSS, SANS!!!_ ”

“it’s a thing!! l-look it up on the undernet!”

_“NO!”_

Maybe it was time to see if [REDACTED] had been on to something ~~when he threw himself into the Core.~~ Sans could see Papyrus’ cock when he shut his sockets, burned onto the back of his lids like he’d stared at a fire. This was the worst. There were many terrible things in their Underground, but Sans was willing to bet in the moment that this was the worst.

“…SANS?”

Oh god, what _now?_

“GET OUT???”

Oh, right.

Sans instinctively turned the quickest way to the door, which unfortunately gave him another eye-searing glance of his brother, naked and blushing in bed as though he had someone to seduce. He all but slammed the door behind him before pressing the heels of his palms deep into his sockets.

From the hallway, he was pretty sure he could hear the faint whine of Papyrus screaming into his pillow.

Heh. He caught himself before he began to laugh, unsure that he’d be able to stop. Nervous, frantic embarrassment tickled at the vertebrae beneath his jaw. Eager for something to do with his body, he began to walk to the stairs, counting the steps it would take to cut as deep into Snowdin Forest as he could manage. Sans’ hands fell to his shorts’ pockets, looking for something to hold onto, and only when they patted the flat and empty fabric did he recall why he’d even come up here in the first place.

Fuck.

Sans groaned, scraping one hand over his skull and having it come back damp with sweat. Well, nothing ventured nothing gained. How could he make this any worse?

Shoulders hunched up over his neck, already wincing, Sans called out quietly.

“…bro?”

There was a pause, long enough for Sans to ruminate on what a terrible idea this had all been. His brother’s voice returned, muffled and uncharacteristically shy.

“Y-YES?”

“…is my phone in there?”

Sans waited patiently, rocking back and forth on slippered feet, listening to the creak of bedsprings and something soft and rustling that was probably Papyrus putting back on his clothes.

“UH… NO. WANT ME TO CALL IT FOR YOU?”

“please.”

They stood like that in uncomfortable silence for several long minutes, Sans straining to hear anything over the thick, muddy pounding of his soul. He didn’t have a stomach, but somehow someone had tied it into knots.

_Finally_ , loud as the Judgement Bell in the Final Hallway, a tinny song rung out from somewhere downstairs. Sans was down them in an instant, and then digging through the couch cushions, unearthing a few handfuls of loose change and lint, until he gripped the vibrating plastic rectangle.

He caught the call just before his ringtone looped. “found it.”

Papyrus’ breath sighed out against his skull. Sans flinched and pulled the phone farther away.

“GOOD.”

“uh.” The smaller skeleton fought the urge to clench his fists. “thanks.”

“YOU’RE WELCOME.”

There was still something low and rough in his brother’s voice that Sans told himself was just the result of how annoyed he was.

“…i’m goin to grillby’s, you…” He cringed a little harder with every word that came out of his idiot mouth. “want? anything?”

“NO THANK YOU.”

Sans wasn’t hungry either. Sans wasn’t sure he’d ever be hungry again.

“okay.”

“OKAY.”

Silence hung between them, heavy and itchy and awful.

“s-seeya.”

“GOODBYE.”

Sans flipped his phone shut with a crack, jammed it into his pocket, and took the closest shortcut to the furthest point he could possibly find. Stumbling into a snowbank, the sudden, freezing temperature dragging his breath from his bones, he scrunched his eye sockets shut and _groaned._

_Okay_ , so that was something he’d never wanted to see. _Okay_ , he definitely could’ve handled it better. _Okay_ , he’d never be able to eat an orange bisicle again, but he was more of cinnamon bunny man, anyway.

It would _be_ okay, Sans told himself. It would be weird again, for a while, but they were brothers. Papyrus was his brother. Things would _always_ be okay.

…oh, except he’d never be able to use that ‘hot weiner’ pun on him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i, too, would like to hurry up and get to the porn already. this chapter took forever to write and i don't like it!


	3. birds, bees and brothers

_hey hey, if it isn’t the human._

_this? it’s an invisible electricity maze. papyrus’ idea, my execution._

_…pretty easy, huh? don’t let it get to your head, kid. my brother had the final piece on him when he… left, so, you get a free pass on this one._

_man, my brother would have loved to see this in action. maybe some other day, yeah?_

_oh, this is one of mine. you a fan of junior jumble? i’m more of a crossword skeleton, myself._

_why’d i pick jumble? …eh, guess i’m just feeling nostalgic for some of these babybones puzzles._

_…uh, head on without me, yeah? i’ll catch up with you later._

* * *

The skeleton brothers managed to avoid each other for the next day. Sans had dinner at Grillby’s that turned into drinks at Grillby’s that turned into 3AM, stumbling past the front door after fumbling with his keys too many times to count. He didn’t wake until early afternoon, sun slipping like knives through the slats of his blinds. Having missed most of the day, he relegated himself to the basement, pouring dizzily over numbers and lines until he lost track of time again.

It came back in a rush of something foul and sickly sweet barreling into him as he let himself back in the front door. The unmistakable stench of burnt food could mean only one thing - Papyrus.

Oh, yeah. Papyrus.

His brother stood in the entryway to the kitchen, wiping something unidentifiable (that might have once been edible) from his ungloved hands. They stared at each other.

“OH. SANS!” Papyrus began, his brother shutting out the cold behind him. “YOU JUST MISSED DINNER. I CAN HEAT UP LEFTOVERS…?”

Sans put on his straightest, stiffest smile. “’s cool bro, ate at grillby’s.”

Papyrus nodded, expression souring only minutely at the mention of his least favorite restaurant. Sans counted the steps it would take to his room and wondered how quickly he could make it.

“HEY, SO…”

Not quick enough.

“METTATON’S NEW SPECIAL IS ON IN A FEW MINUTES. WANT TO WATCH IT WITH ME?”

Papyrus was tugging absently at his red gloves, shifting them back into place, using the motion to hide his obvious nervousness. That answered everything.

“you know i can’t say no to that calculator.”

If Sans’ voice was a little flatter than it should have been, Papyrus paid it no mind, lighting up like a star as he rushed to find the remote. When bright colors flooded the room, the too-familiar MTT jingle blasting from the speakers, Sans set himself delicately at the very far end of the couch.

Papyrus restrained his usual exuberance at his favorite Underground superstar to a gentle bouncing of his knees, sight locked on the screen. He only let out a soft squeal when the rolling robot appeared as opposed to a ear-shattering shriek.

_“OHHHHHH YESSS!!! GOOD EVENING, BEAUTIES AND GENTLEBEAUTIES, AND WELCOME TO THE UNDERGROUND’S PREMIER MASTERPIECE MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA!”_

Pausing for applause, the metal chassis that was Metatton took a graceful bow atop his wheel. His screen lit up in an array of yellows and reds.

_“AS MY EIGHT LOYAL VIEWERS WHO HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ALONG ARE WELL AWARE-“_

“I’M AWARE, METTATON!!” Papyrus blurted out, clapping his hands to his grin immediately after. Sans wondered, with no small amount of dawning horror, if he too counted as one of Mettaton’s loyal viewers. He was dead certain he’d seen more episodes that Alphys had, thanks to Papyrus.

_“-OUR THEME THIS WEEK IS THE THRILLING, MYSTIFYING GENRE OF FILM NOIR. PREPARE TO BE REGALED WITH THE SIXTH AND **STEAMIEST** INSTALLMENT OF MY NEW HIT CLASSIC, SULTRY SECRET OF THE SEVENTH STOLEN SOUL IN THE SLEEPING UNDERGROUND!!”_

…steamiest?

_“AND AS ALWAYS, ENJOY DARLINGS!!”_

Overall, the episode was the average fair. Too bright lights, songs without the slightest context, a thousand action cuts that left Sans’ head spinning. Papyrus was on the edge of his seat, nearly hovering, his enthusiasm as infective as always. Sans began to relax, even huffing a laugh when Mettaton made an unconscious pun, as the normality of another lazy night on the couch with his brother soothed his tired soul.

And then came the egregious and unnecessary sex scene.

_“OHHHHHHH YESSSSSSS”_

Sans shrunk into himself so hard he nearly shortcutted who-knows-where. Mettaton’s moan rang inside his skull like a rolling penny. In his peripherals, Papyrus went absolutely still. Sans kept his gaze focused straight ahead, refusing to so much as glance at the borderline pornographic scene.

There were a lot of leg shots, that he could be sure.

The scene was approximately four minutes and exactly four minutes too long. The brothers sat in stifling silence, the lewd sounds echoing between them as neither dared to move. If they ignored it, maybe it would go away. That had been working well for them lately, right?

At minute three Papyrus broke, snapping forward to grab the remote and slam mute. Sans sighed into the silence, and then met his brother’s expectant gaze.

“SO.”

Suddenly, Sans knew where this was going but was far too late to stop it.

“YOU’VE SEEN MY PENIS.”

Dropping his head into his hands, he groaned. Papyrus huffed - he could hear his hands going to his hips - unused to being ignored.

“I JUST THINK WE SHOULD ADDRESS THIS!”

Sans didn’t bother trying to look up. “or we could _stayed dressed_ for the rest of our lives and never have to worry about this again.”

Both brothers groaned.

“YOU’RE INSUFFERABLE.”

“you’re impossible.”

Sans listened as Papyrus turned back to the tv, sitting himself far from his brother with no small amount of grumbling. He chanced a peek through his phalanges, but Papyrus was staring stonily at the muted tv. The smaller skeleton unfolded himself, settling back into his opposite corner. Together, they watched the silent show - which had thankfully returned to it’s PG-rating - with growing discomfort.

Sans felt his brother’s gaze before he heard him. There was something light and inquisitive in his voice.

“WHAT WERE YOU GOING ON ABOUT WITH SOCKS ON DOORKNOBS?”

He closed his eye sockets, sighing out his nose. “please, bro.”

“YOU KNOW,” Papyrus had scooted closer. “WHEN YOU BURST INTO MY ROOM WHILE I WAS ‘BONING’ MYSELF.”

Sans snorted, surprised, cracking an eye socket to meet Papyrus’ sly grin. His brother grinned, bolstered by his response.

“‘REVVING MY ENGINE,’ IF YOU WILL.”

Alright, bro. Sans sat up, eager to play. “beatin’ your meat.”

Papyrus cringed, but soldiered on at Sans’ too-pleased smile.

“MELTING MY BISICLE.”

It was Sans’ turn to flinch, recalling the bright welcoming glow of his brother’s large cock. He shook the image from his mind.

“relishing your hotdog.” He retorted, and Papyrus actively recoiled, murmuring something about ‘nasty meat-based puns’ as he regrouped his thoughts.

“DOING THE FIVE-KNUCKLE SHUFFLE.”

“uh,” Papyrus was, shockingly, giving him a run for his money. “shucking’ your oyster.”

The larger skeleton paused. “WHAT’S AN OYSTER?”

“it’s a sealife thing. you know that guy who hangs out in waterfall sometimes? suzy’s neighbor? his head’s kinda like one.”

Papyrus looked thoughtful. “OH.” His forehead screwed up, creases in bone like rippled porcelain. “BUT THAT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A PENIS AT ALL.”

Sans grimaced, shoulders coming back up around his skull, thoughts stuttering though his head and out of his mouth. “eurgh, well-“

“WAIT, _YOU_ CAN MAKE A VAGINA _TOO_?”

Sans blinked - and then laughed. The absurdity of their situation hit him all at once - were they giving each other the birds and bees talk? Papyrus watched him dissolve into his fit, clutching his ribs, a light and easy and genuine laugh that was all-too rare these days.

When he regained his breath, Papyrus was waiting patiently, a fond smile on his face that caught Sans off-guard.

“you, uh,” He coughed away another laugh, resting his head back against the couch to stare up at his taller brother. “you know a lot more about this kinda stuff than i’d have thought.”

Papyrus’ smile twisted. “WHY’S THAT?”

“you _were_ asking me last week to teach you how to kiss.”

“THAT’S DIFFERENT.” Papyrus waved the notion - and all apparent embarrassment - away. “THE LIBRARBY AND UNDERNET DIDN’T HAVE ANY INFO ON HOW TO KISS WITHOUT LIPS.”

Sans found that hard to believe, having become quite intimate with some niche corners of the vast Undernet, but maybe his brother wasn’t looking in the right places- He stopped that train of thought cold. God, his brain just went off lately when it came to Papyrus, huh?

“but they had info on, uh,” Sans tapped his teeth together, thinking. “rattling your bones?”

Papyrus rolled his empty eye sockets at his brother’s leer, but his annoyance quickly gave way to an uncommon fidget. 

“WELL…” He wouldn’t meet Sans’ gaze. “ONCE I FIGURED OUT WHAT I COULD CONJURE… YEAH.”

Both brothers turned from each other then - Sans to scratch at the back of his neck, Papyrus to blink at his feet. Mettaton’s special had ended many minutes ago.

“DON’T PRETEND YOU DON’T KNOW, MISTER TOO-LAZY-TO-ERASE-HIS-HISTORY.”

Sans cringed, ducking his head into his collar. “this is becoming awful again.”

At that, Papyrus _laughed_ , loud and light and easy. He nudged his brother gently in the ribs, and all mortification Sans had felt melted at Papyrus’ mirth. Sans pushed him back, grinning.

“alright, hotshot.” He ribbed, unable to keep the smile off of his face or out of his voice. “we done here? got your fill of making me blush?”

And he was blushing - he could feel it, hot and heavy in the marrow beneath his cheek bones. Papyrus, at least, was a little flushed as well. Lucky for him, he could make it look cute. Sans just felt sweaty and uncomfortable.

“YOU STILL DIDN’T EXPLAIN THE SOCK THING.”

“you put a sock on your doorknob to warn people you’re getting laid.”

“OH.” Papyrus looked pensive for but a moment, tapping a finger to his teeth. “GROSS. I WON’T BE DOING THAT.”

Sans sunk back into the broken old couch with a sigh. “how about we both just promise to knock from now on.”

Papyrus acquiesced easily. “OKAY, BUT I WON’T BE MAKING ANY JOKES.” He too sat back, crossing his arms as he surveyed an infomercial for the newest MTT cologne. “YOU CAN KEEP THAT WITH YOUR DOOR FRIEND IN THE WOODS, THANK YOU.”

Well that wouldn’t do. Sans pouted, shifting close enough that their arms knocked together and Papyrus _had_ to look down at him. “aw, bro…”

“…HRRMMM. PUT AWAY THOSE STARRY EYES, BROTHER!”

Sans did no such thing. Papyrus’ will wavered, jaw clenched.

“YOU KNOW I CANNOT RESIST THEM!”

Sans sniffled, egregiously fake.

“AUGH!” Papyrus threw up his arms and Sans fell into his lap, beaming. “FINE.”

Rearranging his smaller brother with considerable ease, Papyrus lifted him back up and against his side, wrapping his arm about him like he’d done a thousand times. He didn’t bother to look down at Sans, who let himself slump comfortably into his brother’s embrace.

“I WILL… PLAY ALONG WITH THE KNOCK KNOCK JOKES.” His grumpy baritone rumbled beneath Sans’ skull. “BUT THAT’S ALL!”

Sans nuzzled into him, silently reassuring himself that things were back to the status quo. Papyrus fumbled with the remote, gloved fingers slipping over the buttons, before clicking the television’s sound back on. It had moved on to a repeat of last night’s special, which Papyrus perked up at with a soft sound.

“thanks pal. you’re outta this world.”

Papyrus gripped him a little tighter in a warning that only made his brother’s grin widen. “TERRIBLE. BUT, YES, AND THANK YOU.”

He’d seen it before, and the Mettaton movie wasn’t any less horrible the second time around, but Sans didn’t really mind. It was hard to be mad at anything when you were nestled under The Great Papyrus’ arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still write sometimes ?????

**Author's Note:**

> if you told me a year ago that the indie game i bought and was booting up on a whim was gonna lead me to writing skeleton incest porn
> 
> i woulda asked you if it was any good


End file.
